Self-defeatism

Looking at graduate schools in political science, I realized a couple of things.

First, I look a bit different on paper than I am in person. On paper, I'm a math and political science double major who has spent a year (as of yesterday) working in economic policy. I can convincingly sound like a policy wonk, and (courtesy of my job) I am getting some experience with econometrics. But off paper, I'm a theory guy. I am trying to see how ideas and facts fit together. I want a supertheory of supereverything.

Second, my interests make me look towards schools with some sort of specialty in political theory (especially of the radical kind), political economy, and conflict studies). Unfortunately, there seems to be almost no crossover between these types of schools and schools that focus on public policy and quantitative methodology.

Third, my majors and work experience would probably make me look quite good to public policy and quantitative schools. And they seem more likely to take the GRE test, which provides a numerical measure of one's aptitudes, seriously. And I am probably going to score quite highly on that. But I'm not applying to the places where I'd look best on paper - because they don't do what I want to do.

This sort of thing frustrates me. It's like accidentally stabbing yourself in the back.