Decline and fall of the newspaper

One of the pleasures of living in New Zealand is that the newspapers are really quite bad. Journalistic standards are lacking, and they print the strangest things. For example, Wellington's leading paper, the Dominion Post, recently devoted half a page to some guy describing his struggles with enlarged prostate. I read the entire thing in search of some point to the story. It never came.

In terms of actual reporting, all of the international news comes from newswires, and the domestic news is rarely investigative or probing at all. Front-page coverage alternates between (a) small scale political scandals, (b) murders, and (c) hilarious non-sequiturs. And then there's the editorial page.

I read this tour de force of a letter today:

So nuclear-free Wellington is to have a radioactive isotope enhancer. Does this mean the United States will promise to bomb us, just as it threatens Iran for the same process?

It starts off with a perfectly reasonable point: that Wellington is planning on building a facility to scan cancer patients, a project that bears an uncanny resemblance to Irans alleged plans to build nuclear weapons.

I'm told that people who undergo medical treatment with radioactive isotopes may not take anything home afterward, including their clothes, because of the danger of radiation contamination. What difference does that make? They'll die anyway.

So what happens to the clothes then? Are they dumped into Cook Strait?

The "experts" tell us that the isotope isn't dangerous, so why does it need walls 2.5m thick?

The correspondent then proceeds to note that the facility is likely to irradiate us to death. In fact, it is liable to further sicken cancer patients... because what gives people cancer? That's right: radiation.

I had to laugh when I read that the National Radiation Laboratory has ensured it meets international standards. No standards exist and everything coming from the laboratory is lies, anyway. This is the same gang that permits cell sites emitting microwave radiation next to people's homes or high-tension powerlines with destructive magnetic radiation over the top of houses.

And tin-foil hats are a perfectly reasonable way to protect yourself from the deadly rays that an international conspiracy of medical "experts" and utility companies is blasting into our tissues at all times!

All radiation is destructive. Radioactivity is now the favoured method worldwide to get rid of political opponents and spies.

By this point, you may have noticed that a slight strain of paranoia runs throughout this letter...

I'm sure cabinet ministers won't be living next to this hospital bunker.

Watch this correspondent carefully - if he dies of mysterious radiation sickness anytime soon, we will know that the New Zealand government, or possibly just the Wellington health board, is willing to kill to keep its secrets.