Mostly harmless

There's something wrong with this press release:

On July 7, Cyclone announced that it had completed the first stage of development for a beta biomass engine system used to power RTI’s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR™), a Phase II SBIR project sponsored by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), Defense Sciences Office. RTI’s EATR is an autonomous robotic platform able to perform long-range, long-endurance missions without the need for manual or conventional re-fueling.

RTI’s patent pending robotic system will be able to find, ingest and extract energy from biomass in the environment. Despite the far-reaching reports that this includes “human bodies,” the public can be assured that the engine Cyclone has developed to power the EATR runs on fuel no scarier than twigs, grass clippings and wood chips – small, plant-based items for which RTI’s robotic technology is designed to forage. Desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and is certainly not something sanctioned by DARPA, Cyclone or RTI.

“We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone’s CEO. “We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter. The commercial applications alone for this earth-friendly energy solution are enormous.” (emphasis in the original)

What is wrong with these people? Have they never seen a sci-fi dystopia movie? Consider that line: "We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population." Oh no, you don't, not yet. But you will...

I am not sure what this reminds me most of - Terminator is the obvious reference, followed by The Matrix and its endless banks of dreaming human "batteries". But I think that it is most reminiscent of Douglas Adams' story Young Zaphod Plays It Safe. In that story, two-headed future president of the Galaxy Zaphod Beeblebrox visits a crash site with two bureaucrats who insist that the contents of the downed ship are "perfectly safe". Their "perfectly safe" mantra would fit perfectly well into the above press release.

Naturally, the ship is filled with appallingly dangerous weapons, and - worse yet - three "synthetic personalities" who are charming, simple, and "didn't ring alarm bells in other people" in spite of their dangerous lunacy. One of these experimental robots escaped and headed to Galactic Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha where (it is implied) it became known as Ronald Reagan.